Living in a luxury apartment building in one of the most expensive cities around the world. Time fast backwards twenty years ago, it would never occur to me that this would be the life I’d live in someday. As a 7-yr-old, I was happy with eating watermelon and popsicles all day long in hot summer days. I was wearing some sweater pants passed down by my elder boy cousin in cold winter days. I’d never heard of Nike or Adidas, nonetheless of Chanel or Prada.

Dining in a world top-ranking restaurants and staying in all five-star resorts. Time fast backwards ten years ago, it would sound like scenes from a cheesy Taiwanese soap drama. As a 17-yr-old, I was still nervous about the college entrance exam and only use my Samsung non-smartphone occasionally. I had no clue what major I wanted to choose for college, as well as what a relationship is.

Family

When I grew up, I was always a daddy girl. I never disagreed with my parents, always trying to be a good student and a good kid. Now here I am, living in a city, 6K+ miles away from home, 15 hours different from my parents, visiting families once per year.

Distinct life. My parents don’t know how to give me life suggestions any more. They are trying hard to understand my life and work, but always ended up just asking me about what dinner I cooked.

Cousins started having kids when I am away abroad. Every time I go back visiting them, I bring many baby things. It is amazing how fast kids can grow in a year or two. I just look like a strange aunt to them, showing up for a week and being disappeared for a year.

It is extremely sad how fast people can age. Every year I just see parents and grandparents having so much gray hair. When they fell sick, I wasn’t able to company them. It just hurts badly sometimes.

Relationships

My parents got married in 1990. My dad was 27 year old, and my mom was 22 years old. I was born the year after. PS: all these years my mom always says my dad got married when he was really “old”.

Puppy love was always strictly forbidden in my school years. No sex education for sure. One of high school teachers’ priority tasks was to hold flashlights and find the secret student lovers in bushes after it’s dark. The middle schools and high schools were filled with hidden affections or strong rebellions.

In college, finally parents are open to kids having relationships. Post college, parents are urging kids to get married. The four year leap…

Now 2018, I am 27 years old, single in a big city. Every time talking to parents, no.1 topic is always when I am getting married and how I am supposed to have kids before reaching 30. Every time I mention I am having friends gathering, parents are always curious about if there is any potential boyfriend candidate among the crowd. Every time I open social media, it is always proposal scenes, glamorous wedding ceremonies and kids photos. I still remember the time friends were still posting Happy Mother’s Day for their moms or grandmas. All of a sudden, all the posts are about my friends being a proud mom of 1 or 2 kids.

Relationship peer pressure.

When you look around, you realize people surrounding you are all having houses, life partners and kids. And you will wonder what you have you been doing in the past years. I’ve had a few relationships, ugly breakup or peaceful breakup. I’ve learnt a lot about relationships in the past eight years, in a hard way or a gentle way. Not all my married friends are as happy as it looks. A lot of them argue at home, maybe even on a daily basis. It kinda discourages me from marriage. So the question is who your ideal life partner is? How do you know he/she is Mr./Mrs. Right? Do you just give in and settle down at some point of your life or will you continue looking for the perfection?

I watched a Taiwanese TV show called “In Time With You” seven years ago. The leading character is a white-collar female at her 30 year-old who struggled with her relationship, work and life. I was like “hmmm 30 year-old is so far away”, and now I am like “wow 30 year-old is just around the corner”. Am I getting into the anxious trap just like what she had in the show? Of course it was a happy ending for the show, but I really don’t know what the reality would turn out. A female friend actually brought up the show in a midnight bed talk a few months ago. I was traveling in New York and we ended up talking from 1am to 5am. She is single in New York City and gets lost in the relationship game.

Work

To be continued…